Heartache vs Heartbreak

"The agony is exquisite, is it not? A broken heart. You think you will die. But you just keep living. Day after day, after terrible day."

I think today has to be one of the most hideous and humiliating days of my entire life.

Some of you may think this to be hyperbolic nonsense that, come tomorrow I will have forgotten all about and that I will move on with my life however, today it is not to be.

The theme of today's hateful bile is that of men, and their idea of what is appropriate. When I first came to university, I was under no illusions of how men are, I'm a big girl I have gone through the whole spectrum of emotions a thousand times and I therefore resolved to just not do anything remotely romantic towards any boy that came my way- ridiculous drunken hate shags if you will.

But, like a complete moron, what did I do? I found a boy my second night here and proceeded to 'get to know him'. This is what he said to me after three weeks of knowing him:

"I don't go for looks, I go for personality which is why I went for you. I saw Lauren and Emma and they are so attractive I knew I couldn't get them so I went for you because you looked like you had a good personality, oh and you have nice eyes"

Let us examine what has just been said, the basic human instinct of attraction through looks was first held with my two best friends however, because I am not as good looking as them, I was an easier target.

How lovely.

Just what every woman wants to hear, you may think I am being overly critical here because after all, he said I had a good personality so why should I be annoyed? One little back handed compliment between a man and a woman, harmless.

After this I did actually get to my ridiculous drunken hate shag, I said I would call, I didn't. It was nice to flip things around for a change but oh no, this did not last for long.

8 weeks ago I was introduced to X, he was brilliant. Attractive, clever, funny and all round not a dickhead. Everyone that knew him said he was a good guy which up until a week ago was true. Around a week ago he started joking about having a threesome with my best friend, saying how attractive she was and how funny she was but swore he was joking around. A few days go by and all I get is silence then comes tonight, I message him asking if he was going out tonight, he asks if my best friend is going out, I tell him no, she's back at home, he says he isn't going.

My other best friend, lets call her F says to me that I should ignore him any way and I casually enquire as to why I should do that and she tell me that X told her that he hasn't been talking to me because he likes my best friend and that he was glad he got with me and it was good while it lasted.

Now, you may think that this is all above board apart from keeping me in the dark but ask yourself this, why did he think it appropriate to ask about her constantly, to joke about threesomes with her and then to not ask me how I am but to just ask if she is there?

Every boy here comes to me and says how pretty she is, how gorgeous she is, oh she's just stunning, she's a good girl, she's perfect. Well what the fuck am I? Some kind of connection to get to her? 

I try my absolute hardest to look good, I make effort to be able to have a conversation with people, I'm funny and I know who I am but sadly because I'm not a size 10 and Blonde I'm not good enough.

Isn't that just fan-fucking-tastic?

Now, I'm 100% sure that this is not purely a fat girl issue however I find myself questioning the reasoning behind this decision- he has met my best friend twice and never said a word to her. Not a single god damn word. Therefore the only reason I can find is that it is because she is prettier than me, which I can admit is true. Yet to reduce myself worth and effort down to this one issue is not only beyond me but ridiculous.

I can see that some of you may read this and think, so a boy doesn't like you? Big fucking woop. Get over it.

I will get over it, on my own terms (which may or may not involve a bottle of sourz and a few prozacs) however I will never understand why someone thinks that this is an acceptable way to behave. People have feelings no matter how hard they like to try and convince you that they don't.

Making someone feel inadequate and totally inept is not acceptable.

Good luck with your life without a decent idea of what morality is.

A Fat Chick's For Life, Not Just For Christmas

As you may be aware, Christmas Day is fast approaching and with it comes the dilemmas of  fashion ideas and portion control.
Now, as a well seasoned fat chick I can tell you that there is nothing more wonderful than the crap that gets shoved in your face at Christmas time. Mostly because "you're a big girl, go on, finish it up for me."
Not only is this fucking annoying, but it is rude as. Just because I am not a size 8 does not mean I am a garbage disposal unit attending your tedious Christmas party to eat the boring selection of treats you provide.
Finding things to wear over the festive season I understand, if one is larger than popular fashion outlets decide, can be a stressful affair. It is also something I try to avoid doing at all costs as I seem to throw money at outfits that only get worn for 5 hours then shoved to the back of the wardrobe. Therefore, I have some handy tips to avoid this situation:

1. If it ain't comfy, it ain't gonna work. If you are wearing something that you think is amazing and looks good initially BUT you find yourself pulling it down to cover your bodacious arse or it cuts your arms up or it's scratchy, loose it and move on. If you aren't comfortable, you won't look comfortable.
2. Decide on a budget and stick to it, it may only be a tenner more than you had planned but that tenner will make all the difference after Christmas when you're skint because you're on a 5 week pay month.
3. Tits or legs, keep it classy, it's Christmas NOT Halloween, sweets are not being given out for free
4. Save money, accessorise yourself silly. There is nothing wrong with wearing one of your wardrobe staples and cracking out some of your glitteriest jewels or most weird head scarf. Also, do not feel pressure to conform to this seasons trends, the world of fashion is cruel but not as cruel as the bank when you've run out of money because you just had to have that 'it dress' from Topshop.
5. If you're happy with what you are wearing, no other fuckers opinion need matter to you, which is something I have only just come to realise but it is true, it's not like you're forcing them to wear what you are so fuck it.

Another Christmas obstacle is family time, I have recently come home from university where I spent 3 months living my own life and doing what I wanted whenever I wanted so coming home to a place where nothing was my own and my life wasn't what I had made it was literally the most depressing thing to happen, ever.
Within 15 hours the jibes had started; "How much pudding would you like Isabel?" "oh just that small bit there" "Sorry, did you say half of it? hahahaha you know I'm joking!"
FUCK. OFF.
I do not appreciate your comments on my size, which by the way isn't even that big in the grand scheme of things, nor do I appreciate your assumptions on my appetite. You, my family who are just as lardy arsed as me. If, by any chance you find yourself with a family what are just as prickish as mine I suggest you invest in a sense of humour, an amazing poker face, a death stare or the ability to come up with a witty come back. I usually go for the death stare, inherited from my late grandmother, mixed with the poker face. Works every time but does tend to get responses of "Oh cheer up I was only joking, Christ your miserable."
Well I'm sorry, I don't feel like being smiley for you today, maybe I'll go and eat some more cake.

The Curse of The Women Who Are Paid To Eat

Whilst reading a well known magazine earlier I came across an article concerning a woman and her ambition to be the worlds fattest woman. The woman in question, Susanne Eman is currently 50st which you may cry out is already too big but she wants to 'balloon' to 115st as she wants to prove it is possible to be the biggest woman in the world and still be healthy.
This, to even the simplest of minds is a sheer contradiction in terms. I have seen enough health programmes and seen enough doctors to know that being even 5 stone over weight is detrimental to ones health. I am currently at this point and my health problems are minimal, I do not have joint pain or sleep apnoea but Susanne's story deeply concerns me.
I am all for fat acceptance and Susanne, although she is doing it in a way that is completely different to the way that I believe it should be done, she has a clear objective. Although she cannot do what could be classed as a real  job she is an online Agony Aunt, giving those advice on how to cope with insecurities about their bodies, she says 'You can be a good person and still be overweight.'
So far so good right? She's fighting the good fight all be it in a slightly strange way.
Here comes the part I'm not so wild about;
'Men go wild for me now and I feel so much more confident.'
I know what you're thinking, how can I have a problem with this? She's happy, why aren't I?
I'll tell you why, men go wild for her because she sits on a webcam in bikinis eating so men can watch her for money. To me, this is tantamount to prostitution and it sickens me that someone would allow this to happen to themselves.
I know that I am just a person behind a screen, what gives me the right to pass judgement on someone else, to which I say, this is just my opinion disagree all you like but this:

Is not winning the war on fat acceptance by any stretch of the imagination.

Gisela Ramirez- "Life is a dress up party and you are the guest of honour."

I first came across Gisela Ramirez on Tumblr, I saw a post she had done on how to make your own stockings especially for the larger lady due to the fact that popular lingerie brands do not do stockings big enough or long enough resulting in the dreaded chub rub. This was a valid post, it was not a problem I have come across myself yet I could understand the benefits.
Since then, I have seen many reblogged posts of hers through the blog fuckyeahchubbyfashion (a site I will post about in the future) and from what I have seen, this girl is a serious fashion contender.
Gisela is half Columbian and half Argentinian but was born in Sydney, Australia. She began sewing at the age of 12 customising her normal fat people clothes creating unique fashion statements. She then went on to begin a fashion degree but dropped out near the end of her first year deciding she was better off self teaching.
She established her eponymous fashion label in June 2010 and her first collection was released this summer. Gisela prides herself on her outspoken personality and uninhibited wardrobe choices, which is also seen in her designs.
My favourite piece in Gisela's current collection is the 'Fuck Flattering' tee (show below)

It is a crop tee, a style that is rarely allowed to be worn by anyone above a size 12 is seen worn by a woman who is not only fat, but beautiful.
Gisela's range also features sheer fabrics, leotards and another favourite of mine, the bondage skirt

This skirt emphasizes the curves on a larger woman and it exposes all the parts the fashion world wants anyone above a size 0 to cover.
Just from this small collection it is clear to see that Gisela is a real contender in the fashion world and I truly hope she gets all the success she deserves.
As well as her fashion line, she is an administrator for a Sydney based non profit organisation named 'Corpulent Caucus' which meets fortnightly and promotes fat acceptance.

Above: Ramirez wearing her own creation called Sack Dress
For more information on Gisela and her brand please go to http://www.giselaramirez.com.au

Trapped In A World Of Skinny Bitches and Haters

This is my third blog, therefore I am under no illusion of how to run these things or that what I say can and will be used against me. In my life I am quite blessed in that I have a best friend who runs a well known fashion blog and takes me on all the events she is invited to. Now, I am grateful and I do enjoy these things however, like most over weight fashionistas, I am fully at the end of my tether with the fashion world and it's anorexic tendencies. You can say that fashion is progressive all you like but the fact of the matter is fat people are still regarded as a joke that ruin fashion for everyone else.
I like to think I look good in what I wear, why else would I wear it other wise? I have a good hour glass shape, I have fat arms and a stomach that perpetually looks pregnant. A round face the moon would be jealous of and legs that would rival a rugby players but I have had 20 years to come to terms with these facts and yet despite the fact that fashion has been around as long as basically dinosaurs so why hasn't it 'progressed' to fat acceptance? I am fed of for comments like "She has such a pretty face, if she lost some weight she would be more beautiful" and "She's lucky she has big boobs to distract from the rest of her."
This world is unfair and goes up in arms when some one makes a comment of someone being too thin but when a fat person gets a comment like that it's regarded as banter and just a joke.
I am quite frankly bored of this nonsense. So expect lots of rants like this one and a load of photos of me and my fashion choices.
You have been warned.