A Fat Chick's For Life, Not Just For Christmas

As you may be aware, Christmas Day is fast approaching and with it comes the dilemmas of  fashion ideas and portion control.
Now, as a well seasoned fat chick I can tell you that there is nothing more wonderful than the crap that gets shoved in your face at Christmas time. Mostly because "you're a big girl, go on, finish it up for me."
Not only is this fucking annoying, but it is rude as. Just because I am not a size 8 does not mean I am a garbage disposal unit attending your tedious Christmas party to eat the boring selection of treats you provide.
Finding things to wear over the festive season I understand, if one is larger than popular fashion outlets decide, can be a stressful affair. It is also something I try to avoid doing at all costs as I seem to throw money at outfits that only get worn for 5 hours then shoved to the back of the wardrobe. Therefore, I have some handy tips to avoid this situation:

1. If it ain't comfy, it ain't gonna work. If you are wearing something that you think is amazing and looks good initially BUT you find yourself pulling it down to cover your bodacious arse or it cuts your arms up or it's scratchy, loose it and move on. If you aren't comfortable, you won't look comfortable.
2. Decide on a budget and stick to it, it may only be a tenner more than you had planned but that tenner will make all the difference after Christmas when you're skint because you're on a 5 week pay month.
3. Tits or legs, keep it classy, it's Christmas NOT Halloween, sweets are not being given out for free
4. Save money, accessorise yourself silly. There is nothing wrong with wearing one of your wardrobe staples and cracking out some of your glitteriest jewels or most weird head scarf. Also, do not feel pressure to conform to this seasons trends, the world of fashion is cruel but not as cruel as the bank when you've run out of money because you just had to have that 'it dress' from Topshop.
5. If you're happy with what you are wearing, no other fuckers opinion need matter to you, which is something I have only just come to realise but it is true, it's not like you're forcing them to wear what you are so fuck it.

Another Christmas obstacle is family time, I have recently come home from university where I spent 3 months living my own life and doing what I wanted whenever I wanted so coming home to a place where nothing was my own and my life wasn't what I had made it was literally the most depressing thing to happen, ever.
Within 15 hours the jibes had started; "How much pudding would you like Isabel?" "oh just that small bit there" "Sorry, did you say half of it? hahahaha you know I'm joking!"
FUCK. OFF.
I do not appreciate your comments on my size, which by the way isn't even that big in the grand scheme of things, nor do I appreciate your assumptions on my appetite. You, my family who are just as lardy arsed as me. If, by any chance you find yourself with a family what are just as prickish as mine I suggest you invest in a sense of humour, an amazing poker face, a death stare or the ability to come up with a witty come back. I usually go for the death stare, inherited from my late grandmother, mixed with the poker face. Works every time but does tend to get responses of "Oh cheer up I was only joking, Christ your miserable."
Well I'm sorry, I don't feel like being smiley for you today, maybe I'll go and eat some more cake.